


Junkrat and Roadhog's Big Break

by GraciousVictory



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-29
Updated: 2016-05-29
Packaged: 2018-07-10 20:23:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7005040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GraciousVictory/pseuds/GraciousVictory
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For most it's a routine escort job, but for Junkrat, it's the chance...of a lifetime.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Junkrat and Roadhog's Big Break

_Hollywood_

Tracer stood atop a balcony, overlooking a false backdrop of a Wild West town at high noon.  A tumbleweed on strings floated in a nearby alley, just beyond where the wooden backdrop of the soundstage gave way from dusty roads and sand to green screens and skyboxes. 

She sighed and zipped across the road, to a matching balcony on the other side, and glanced back down the road, towards a still-closed door.  She put her hands on her hips and frowned.  "Just where the bloody hell is everybody?"

As if on cue, Mei ran out from a side passage, waving up to Tracer from the road.  Tracer smiled and waved down at her with both hands before blinking off the balcony and down to the road in front of her.

Mei was bent over, sweat dripping from her brow and breathing heavily.  Tracer patted her on the back.  "Hello there, love!  Have the baddies shown up yet?  I've been worried about the limo, but I 'aven't seen a soul since we've been out here!"

"No, they're...Hold on a second."  Mei encased herself in ice for just a few seconds, and then broke free.  "Much better.  No, everything is still smooth.  Well.  Mostly.  What are you doing so far ahead?"

Tracer gave her teammate a sheepish grin.  "Well, love, you know how it is, gotta keep movin', maybe ambush the baddies before they get the drop on us, yeah?"

"You're avoiding Widowmaker."

Tracer gave a dismal sigh and nodded.  "I'm avoidin' Widowmaker.  So, if we ain't gettin' attacked, what's the rush, an' where's the limo?"

"Some of our teammates are being...a little problematic."

 

\----

 

"So, I was thinkin', and stop me if this is too much."  Junkrat said as he leaned against the side of the limo, which was stopped just outside the start of the escort point.  The window was rolled down, and had Junkrat's trusty grenade launcher resting in the gap.  "Whenever I get on screen, I think a song should play, like 'It's Junkrat!'  And then maybe I could do a dance, like this!"  Junkrat proceeded to do an exceptionally awkward dance which still managed to be impressive by the sole fact that he did it with his terrible pegleg.  "La-ta-ta-ta-ta, Junkrat!  Whaddaya think?"

Hal-Fred Glitchbot, famed Omnic director, gave a nervous laugh from his spot inside the limo.  He tried to look past Junkrat for some assistance, but only saw the massive wall of flesh that was his bodyguard-slash-partner, Roadhog.  "I, uh.  Yes, that should be fine.  We can get some choreographers on it as soon as possible."

"Ey, that's great!"  Junkrat grinned, and nudged Roadhog in the belly.  "You're alright for a walkin' scrap pile!  So, I'm thinkin'...sitcom!  You think I'd be better as the wise family patrician or the spunky comic relief?"

"Well, you're a little young to be the fath--"  Hal-Red began, stopping in his tracks when he saw the slow glare from Junkrat.  "--But, I'm sure that won't be a problem!  Haha.  People play outside their age range all the time."

"You hear that?"  Junkrat looked up at Roadhog.  "I'm gonna be a TV dad!"

Roadhog grunted.

"What the bleedin' hell is goin' on here?"  Tracer said as she zipped onto the scene, hands on her hips.  "Why's the limo stalled, we got a clear shot to the extraction point!"

"If you must know,"  Junkrat turned to her, smiling proudly.  "Me an' Roadhog here are gonna be stars."

" **In the movies.** "  Roadhog rumbled.

"Right!  See, we got talkin' with the mark--"

"Client."  Tracer corrected through gritted teeth.

"Right, sure.  Anyway, we said that we'd be happy to escort 'im, even if he is a dirty Omnic, and even gave 'im an extra incentive!"

" **First class**."

"You got it, big guy, first class."

Tracer glanced back at Mei, who was just now making her way to the area, as well as spraying herself with her frost gun to cool down, and then looked back at the two Aussies.  "And just what is first class?"

"We just insinuated his trip could be a little..bumpy.  And we could make sure it got less bumpy, we just needed contracts!"

"To be movie stars."  Tracer made a frustrated noise.  "I can't believe you threatened the...no, wait, I can, I absolutely can.  Stop it!  We need to escort the director to his extraction point.  Stop bloody goofin' around!"

Junkrat and Roadhog stared at Tracer for a very long moment, and then looked back to the director.  "So, what're the options for a trailer?  Can we get it all souped up?  Lotsa horsepower, I wanna be able to knock other trailers off the road."

" **Flame throwers.** "

"Right!  With flame throwers."

Tracer threw her arms in the air and made a frustrated noise.  She walked back to Mei, who was now standing next to D.Va.  D.Va was on small, hand-held game system inside her mech and was, in general, not paying attention to the situation.  "We gotta get that limo movin', somehow."

"Lena, do you need any assistance?"  Widowmaker called from her spot, sitting on the edge of a rooftop.  Her voice was both amused and casual, and her eyes were directly on Tracer's back.

"From you?  Absolutely not!  Never gonna happen."  Tracer tapped her foot in frustration, completely aware of the fact that Widowmaker was smiling at her, even though she could not see her.

"Oh, just let them be idiots."  D.Va said without looking up.  "When the other team shows up they'll get distracted by violence."

"Where the heck are they, anyway?"

 

_Defender Base_

 

"Okay, let's see what we've got."  Lúcio played back an audio file from where he sat, on the floor with Bastion.  Bastion's bird was perched on his head.  The file played a techno beat with Bastion's robot beeps in the background.  "What do you think?"

Bastion responded with a bunch of beeps.  Lúcio nodded.  "Alright, alright, we can move to the next few lines, see what we got."

" ** _Can we get to the killing, already_**???"  Reaper hissed, standing just beyond them.  " ** _This is a waste of time._** "

"Hey, I told you, this is a shared, creative space."  Lúcio said, looking up at Reaper.  "Besides, they don't even have it moving, yet, we got time.  Okay, how do you like this one?  Ganymede's in on this one."

Reaper threw down his guns in frustration and paced around the room as a new techno Bastion (featuring Ganymede the bird) remix started to play.  " ** _I knew I should've been on Roadhog's team._** "

 

_Hollywood_

 

"So, I know what you're thinkin'."  Junkrat pointed over his shoulder.  "What's this guy gonna do?  Is he even gonna get a line?"

Hal-Fred gave a nervous, synthesized chuckle.  "Well, I--"

Junkrat turned to Roadhog.  "See?  We both agree.  You don't get a line."

Roadhog growled.  " **I want a line.** "

"Well, you can't have one!"

Hal-Fred played a feed of his entire life before his eyes.

" **I'm getting a line.** "

Junkrat shook his head and sighed, turning back to the director.  "Y'see what I deal with?  I tried to talk him outta it, but his head's as hard as the pavement.  You gotta give 'im a line."

"Well, uh, what line did you want?"

Roadhog turned around, and looked directly at D.Va.  He said, loud enough for her to hear, " **I hate bunnies.** "

D.Va twitched.

Junkrat grinned.  "Maybe you should say that again, not sure he heard you."

" **I.  Hate.  Bunnies.  I stomp them every day,** "

D.Va put her game system down and took control of her mech.  "I'm gonna frag him."

"Easy, Hana, easy..."  Mei patted the arm of the mech.  "They may be...just, completely awful, but they're on our team."

" **The  only good bunny is a dead bunny.** "

D.Va growled.  "I wanna make him deader than a Dreamcast."

Tracer glared at them as they turned back to the director.  "They're just tryin' to rile us up."

"Lena, darling."  WIdowmaker called.

"Stop bloody CALLIN' me that?"

"Your name, or darling?"

"Both!  What do you want??"

Widowmaker leaped off the wall and landed in a crouch, next to Tracer.  "I can get this moving."

"No.  You'll just make everything worse!"

"'ave I ever lied to you?"

"Probably!"

Mei looked over at them.  "Honestly, we could probably use the help, before they make Hana even madder."

"No jury in the world would convict me for tk-ing a bunny-killer."

Tracer looked to her, and then at Widowmaker, and her insufferable grin. "Fine!  Stop them!  Make them get everything movin' again!"

"Say please."

Tracer growled, "Please."

"Pretty please, Widowmaker, solve my problem for me."

"I'm not bloody sayin' that."

"I think you are."

Tracer took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and said, "Pretty please, Widowmaker, solve my stupid, bloody problem for me."

Widowmaker walked over to Junkrat and Roadhog.

"So, we're gonna need one hell of a caterin' table, my boy Mako here's on a hundred thousand calorie diet."

" **Per meal.** "

"Yeah yeah yeah, hundred thousand a meal, six meals a day."

"Gentlemen."  Widowmaker tapped Junkrat on the shoulder.  "You're aware that none of us gets paid until the target is safely escorted, no?"

Roadhog and Junkrat looked at each other.  Junkrat removed his grenade launcher from the window and turned to the others.  "Well what're we all standin' around for?  There's mayhem to be had!"

" **Slackers.** "  Roadhog grunted.

The limo started on its way, and Widowmaker walked past Tracer, glancing over her shoulder and saying, "You owe me, Lena, _darling_."  She fired her grappling hook and disappeared onto the rooftops.

Tracer watched her go, and then kicked a shell casing on the ground before zipping away.


End file.
